Films 1 & 2

This assignment tested my ability to remain balanced, in that I didn't. Not even a bit. The instability is what keeps me going. I had an incredibly busy weekend with work, hosting a baby shower, having family in town, and celebrating my mother's birthday all on top of homework. I believe this chaos is translated directly into my interpretations of the elements. I discovered that under pressure I am much more keen on trying new things. I relinquish pragmatic control over the medium to the unpredictability of chemical reactions. I found that if I sprayed footage with bleach, forming a base of destruction upon which I can create, an image forms easily from the random patterns of eroding emulsion than from meticulously scraping each frame. I guess I don't become as attached, so I am less likely to feel defeated in my hand is to slip, or something reacts incorrectly. This method was much more conducive to my creative flow as I was able to conjure up a memory from the patterns, much like one would recognize familiar objects in the monochromatic images of ink blots. Once I find these memories, forgotten feelings, desires, longings, etc.-- I can further manipulate the medium to emulate these sensations more accurately (to me, at least). I suppose I discovered that I am a visceral artist-- I am not attached to the end product, as it is a result of the feelings and thoughts provoked by the process of creation (creation through destruction?).